Thursday Things: It's Thursday Somewhere
14 November 2019. Vol 1 No 14. By Dan McGirt. #14
Welcome to Thursday Things! Sign up below to get Thursday Things delivered to your inbox each week.
Strangely, we have no squirrel news this week. Photo by Leópold Kristjánsson on Unsplash
Things I Did Not Know: The REO Speedwagon was a real thing. I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another that the REO Motor Company introduced the first REO Speedwagon in 1915 “with a four-cylinder engine and a three-speed transmission that moved much faster than the trucks of the day, which could only hit speeds of about 10--15 miles per hour.” The Speedwagon is the ancestor of the pickup truck and was considered a major innovation, with more power, speed, durability, and cargo capacity than other trucks, which were like a candle in the wind by comparison.
Exorcisms are on the rise: I’ve never watched The Exorcist because I don’t like scary movies. And it seems to me logical to assume that most supposed cases of demonic possession and influence are actually instances of mental illness. Right? Nevertheless, exorcism is making a 21st century comeback. According to this report “No official data are available, but Catholic leaders say there are more Catholic exorcists in the United States today than at any time in recent memory.” Which may not be a bad thing. I remain cautiously skeptical of supernatural doings, but there are certainly strange occurrences in the world that defy any scientific of medical explanation thus far. Although I am Protestant, if I ever do need an exorcism performed, I’m calling in the pros. And while it is nice that “exorcists can now use the first English-language version of the medieval Latin exorcism prayers, which became available in 2017,” I say bring it in Latin or stay home.
Sometimes it’s not the demons, it’s the drugs: A gang of drug traffickers in Italy was gobsmacked to learn that their stash of cocaine, hidden in the nearby woods, had been found and destroyed by feral hogs. No word on whether the hogs got high on the stolen supply or if they were acting in a vigilante capacity to fight crime. I mean, the idea of a pack of feral Italian hogs fighting crime has a certain appeal. It seems that “the numbers of wild boar in Italy, about two million, have doubled since 2015 and are responsible for about 10,000 road accidents every year.” Which leads me to wonder if the Italian hogs are part of the feral Chinese death pig conspiracy previously speculated about here at Thursday Things in a completely rational and responsible manner.
Local man uses battle axe to fend off home invader. Some people uses guns for personal protection and home defense. And some people go old school to defend their castle: “A man is alive and well after he used an axe to fend off a convicted criminal who broke into his Oshtemo Township apartment late Wednesday night.” Resident Ben Ball was in his apartment playing video games and watching Rick and Morty when the suspect, now in custody, kicked in his front door. Mr. Ball grabbed his handy battle axe and stepped up to repel the invasion. After at least one axe blow to the torso, the intruder fled. Best line: “Police K-9s followed the trail of blood to apprehend the suspect.” I know most of you don’t click the links, but it is worth it just to see the video of our valiant apartment dweller, who looks like he might be Gimli’s cousin from Lord of the Rings.
Tucked away on the top floor of the Toronto Reference Library, the Arthur Conan Doyle Room is one of the city’s best-kept secrets. I love Sherlock Holmes, and many other works by ACD. I have been to 221B Baker Street in London to pay a visit to a recreation of the master detectives lodgings. I did not know about this Doyle Room in Toronto, but now that I do I actually have a reason to visit Toronto:
The room is decorated with busts, statues, dolls, paintings, and posters of Sherlock Holmes, meerschaum pipes and deerstalker hats (two of his most famous emblems, which, ironically, never appeared in the stories; they were added by actors playing the role), and oddities such as a chess set with pieces carved to resemble Holmes, his sidekick Dr. Watson, and other characters from the series.
The collection includes books, stories, and essays by Arthur Conan Doyle on spiritualism, true crime, history, and current issues of the day.
Who thought this was a good idea? Let’s teach tiny indestructible robots to work together as a swarm! Oh, sure, it’s only soccer. But imagine instead of a soccer ball, they’re chasing you. Between the robot scientists and the ones putting human DNA in monkeys we’re going to end up being destroyed by killer robots or superintelligent apes, possibly both working together. Do scientists ever think about what they’re doing? Do they need an exorcism? Seriously.
Thank you for reading Thursday Things! The buttons below let you share this issue with a friend — please do! — and subscribe to have Thursday Things delivered to your inbox each week. You can also send questions, comments, suggestions, and complaints to ThursdayThings@substack.com. Really, any feedback at all would be great.