Thursday Things: Halloween Edition
31 October 2019. Vol 1 No 12. By Dan McGirt. #12
Welcome to theĀ Thursday Things Halloween Spooktacular Edition!
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These guys are a Day of the Dead early, but theyāre so cute weāll keep them. Photo byĀ Sam BrandĀ onĀ Unsplash
This should terrify you: Killer monkeys were found to be catching and gobbling up large rats in Malaysia. This is news because, until recently, scientists thought this species of macaque ate mainly fruit, and the occasional lizard or small bird. Nope! Gangs of monkeys track large rats to their nests in trees where they sleep during the day, break in, and chow down on them! Each of these monkeys may be scarfing down seventy rats a year. Thatās great, because the rats eat farmersā crops. The monkeys are providing a valuable service in pest control. But what happens when tasty rats are no longer enough to satisfy the murderous macaquesā hunger for bloody flesh? A Stephen King novel happens, thatās what.
The most popular Halloween candy in each state is helpfully compiled here. (Georgia: Jolly Ranchers.) My advice? Avoid any state that prefers candy corn.
The Curse of Tutankhamen! Probably the source for every āmummy curseā movie and story of modern times. Is the curse real? It is undeniable that a startling number of people connected with the discovery of Tutās tomb in 1922 met sudden or strange deaths in the years that followed. At least nine victims are noted here. On the other hand, there are reasons to be skeptical that the curse is real. For myself, I saw an exhibit of treasures of King Tut when it was on tour in the U.S. a few years ago with no ill effects. Also, if there truly is a curse of King Tut, then how did Steve Martin get away with this?
The Sexy Halloween Costume Industrial Complex aka costume company Yandy, produces those āsexy [whatever]ā costumes that seem to have taken over Halloween. Including āsexy Popeyeās chicken sandwichā (Huh?) and āSexy Mister Rogersā (wrong on so many levels. And then a few more levels.) Have a peek behind the scenes if you dare!
Here are 35 classic horror tales you can download for free at Project Gutenberg, including stories from H.P. Lovecraft, Algernon Blackwood, Henry James, Arthur Machen, Bram Stokerās Dracula, and the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe. If you like old school horror and chills, there is plenty here to keep you up at night. Iāve read some of the stories on the list, have heard of others. A few of the authors are new to me, including British writer Oliver Onions. That is an awesome name!
Speaking of spooky reads, every year I say to myself I should write a new Halloween story. And then I donāt. But I do have two past stories that fit the season, and both are available as ebooks:
āBeginnerās Luckā is a brief short story about a hapless would-be serial killer trying to get started. More comedy than horror, but ā¦ well, serial killers are scary.
āGlass Darkly and the Skull in the Boxā is a bloodier and more chilling story about the horror of a haunted lantern, restless spirits, and lawyers.
(If you decide to give these a try, please let me know how you like them at ThursdayThings @ substack.com )
If you prefer visual chills, I give you Hokusaiās Ghost Stories. You may not know the name, but youāve surely seen Katsushika Hokusaiās famous wood block print of a gigantic wave frothing before Mount Fuji. Apparently, he also illustrated ghost stories, including this one:
The Mansion of the Plates (Sara-yashiki): After the maid Okiku had accidentally broken one of a set of elegant Korean plates, her infuriated master bound her and threw her down a well, where she died in body but not spirit. In 1795, wells around Japan became infested with a species of worm covered in thin threads, which people believed to be a reincarnation of Okiku; the threads being the remnants of the fabric used to bind her. They named it āOkiku mushiā [the Okiku bug].
Poor Okiku. You know what creeps me right out? Scary Japanese ghost girls. Especially when theyāre crawling out of wells, or televisions, or my kitchen cabinets at night. Movies like The Ring and The Grudge and Scary Japanese Ghost Girl Living In Your Closet ā¦ nope. Iām pretty sure there is a scary Japanese ghost girl in the dishwasher that came with my apartment, but I never use. Iām afraid to open it and find out. Iām doing the dishes in the sink because I donāt want the ghost girl to get me. This story sounds like the original Japanese ghost girl in a well. Could I just ask people in Japan to please stop throwing girls down wells? That does not end well for anyone. Thank you.
What really scares ghost hunters? Itās not the ghosts. Paranormal investigator David Schrader reveals some of the hazards of ghost hunting that donāt involve the supernatural. Things like black mold, finding drug addicts in that supposedly abandoned house, and walking into walls or holes in the dark. Also ā and this makes sense if you think about it ā sometimes the client who calls you in to investigate isnāt hearing and seeing things because there is a ghost, but due to mental illness. So that can be an iffy and sensitive situation. Ghost hunting is not all wisecracks and proton packs.
Bonus: the article includes five helpful tips for ghost hunting. (#4: Donāt taunt dead people, is good advice in general.) Iām not a regular viewer of ghost hunting shows. Are you? I still think Scooby Doo and the gang were the best paranormal investigators of all time!
Tarantulas can swim. I thought you should know.
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